Ephesians 4:14-15 14 that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting,
15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head–Christ–
In Part One, we looked at the concept that spiritual growth follows the stages of natural growth, and those stages were
- Birth
- Infancy and Babyhood
- Childhood
- Adolescence
- Adulthood
In particular, we looked at the Birth and Infancy stages. Our spiritual walk starts with the New Birth. We also saw these characteristics of the babyhood stage:
- Innocence and Teachableness
- Babies need someone to take care of them
- Babies are ignorant of what’s good or bad for them – lack of discernment
- Self Centered. They can be spoiled
There is nothing wrong with being a baby as long as you are progressing. As a parent delights in every new little thing their baby learns, so our heavenly Father delights over us as we learn and grow up into Him.
What is distressing is when someone shows the characteristics of babyhood or childhood past the time they should.
Hebrews 5:12-14 12 For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you again the first principles of the oracles of God; and you have come to need milk and not solid food.
13 For everyone who partakes only of milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, for he is a babe.
14 But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.
The writer to the Hebrews chastises his audience because they were not where they should have been in spiritual growth. They should have been teachers – a very mature thing – but they still needed to be taught themselves the first principles – think of it as the ABC’s – of the sayings of God. They were still needing milk and were not ready for meat.
Remember the “milk” of the word was that which gives without requiring much, whereas the “meat” involves responsibility and accountability.
He gives another characteristic of being immature – unskilled in the word of righteousness. There are two aspects of this.
One part of the word of righteousness is like milk: that we have been made righteous and put in right standing with God through the acts of Jesus:
2 Corinthians 5:21 21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.
The second part is that we should be bearing fruits of righteousness, which involves our behavior. We were created to do good works. And that is the “meat” part.
See Righteousness
The writer to the Hebrews also gives a characteristic of maturity – the ability to discern between good and evil. Remember we said that discernment was one thing that was lacking, or not yet developed, in babies.
While I’ve been writing this post, I realize I have quite a bit of parenting advice thrown in. Well, my wife and I raised five boys, and they have all turned into responsible, productive adults, and overall great people. So I think I’ve got something worthwhile to say.
That’s not to say we didn’t have our struggles and challenges – every parent does. But it’s very satisfying to see that they have all turned out well.
Childhood
Physically, a baby enters the childhood stage when they start walking and talking. We called them Toddlers. Their personalities start developing. They begin to develop their own likes and preferences – and to want to insist on those preferences. We have the “Terrible Twos” – called that because they learn the mean of the word “No”, and that they can use it.
Personally, the toddler stage was always my favorite in my kids. You can actually start interacting with them as little people. It’s also challenging – their mobility allows them to get into things.
In our second home, my wife was on a tall ladder putting up wallpaper. She turned around, and there was our two year old Matthew halfway up the ladder behind her.
Matthew was quite a climber. In the kitchen, he would pull drawers out part way and use them as stairs to get up on the counter where he could get to the cupboard that held the cereal. Fun times!
Characteristics of Childhood
- Imitation
- Unreliability
- Curiosity
- Talkativeness
Imitation
Imitation is the way a child learns. They must have examples of how to behave, and they will copy that behavior – good or bad. This is why it is so important for children to have good role models.
For example, in learning to talk: If there is someone in the house who cusses, even occasionally – you’ll be surprised when your kids comes out with those words.
Children will try out new behavior and words on you to see your reaction.
Ephesians 5:1 1 Therefore be imitators of God as dear children.
We should be imitators of God as children imitate their parents.
Hebrews 13:7 7 Remember those who rule over you, who have spoken the word of God to you, whose faith follow, considering the outcome of their conduct.
We can also imitate those who have been leaders and taught us (follow can also be translated imitate), but with a caveat – consider their outcomes, their results. Follow the ones that get good results. Paul put it this way:
1 Corinthians 11:1 1 Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.
We teach our children habits by example. For example, punctuality or absenteeism.
A child’s attitude towards church or school is picked up from their parents. “I don’t feel like going to work today. I think I’ll call in sick”. A child will pick up that same attitude toward school.
And church – do you stay home over any little excuse? Sometimes I feel tired and didn’t feel like going to church – even when I was a pastor. But I never said anything and went anyway. All of our kids were excited to go to church.
Unreliability
Children are learning to do things for themselves, but they are unreliable. They are very play oriented, and have short attention spans. They are easily distracted from a task, especially if it smacks of work.
“Clean your room”. A child has to reach a certain point of development before this is even possible. And even then, you have to poke your head in every five minutes to expedite, because they get so easily distracted by the toy in their hand that they are supposed to be putting away.
“I’m going to (read my Bible / pray) every day”. But then, distractions!
Not to fear. In physical/psychological growth, the characteristic of being consistent, disciplined, and dependable is one of the last to be learned – usually in the adolescent stage. Even then, some adults never learn it.
Integrity, part of which is following through and keeping your promises – is learned by example.
A Christian in the childhood stage might volunteer to do some work, but then are unreliable about showing up consistently, or completing the task, etc.
This was a real problem when I first took over a church as the senior pastor way back at the end of 1988. Especially in the nursery. This seems to be a much greater issue in smaller churches (we had about 50 people). People would volunteer, and then not show up. I even had some people trying to spiritualize their inconsistency, saying, “they weren’t led” to come to church that day.
We had to teach the people. If you’ve said you’re going to do something, you’ve given your word. “God told me to do this instead”. No He didn’t. God would not have you break your word.
Churches need to be smart about volunteerism. What happens in smaller churches is that the people that are consistent end up being called upon all the time. And they can get burnt out. The best thing is to have volunteer work be for a fixed, limited time. Then they know exactly what they are committing to.
Even those that are called to a position should be given breaks. I’m afraid as a pastor of a small church, we didn’t lean that lesson. We had a lovely couple that were our children’s church pastors. They were there with the kids every Sunday. They never got to be in the regular service. They lasted about four years.
One reason a child is easily distracted is because they are very short term minded. They do not have the ability yet to see things in the long term, or the consequences of their actions. Being to analyze the long term is a very adult thing.
Curiosity
Children are full of curiosity. This is good, because it is essential to a child’s motivation to learn. But sometimes they can go poking into things they shouldn’t. An adult realizes that there are some things that aren’t his or her business.
A hunger for knowledge of the Word is an excellent thing. We should always be learning. Even if you’ve been a Christian for decades, the Holy Spirit can show you things in the Word that you’ve never seen before. Expect it!
On the negative side of curiosity – is some people love to hear gossip about others. They want to know all the details.
How shall we deal with hearing gossip (even when we are not seeking it out)?
1 Timothy 5:19 19 Do not receive an accusation against an elder except from two or three witnesses.
This verse speaks of accusations against elders, but it can also apply to anyone you hear negative things about.
The internet is full of gossip, where people want to expose others. We shouldn’t accept what someone says against someone else without corroboration.
Lately there have been people who feel their calling is to expose sins or heresies of Christian ministries. Often their idea of “heresy” is that which doesn’t agree with their own theology. Under particular attack are those ministries that are large, and believe in the supernatural.
They see themselves like the prophets of old, or if they don’t believe in prophets, they think they are “investigative journalists”. They’ll use as a justification that “Judgement begins with the house of God” (1 Peter 4:17).
Well, here’s another quote. Satan is called “the accuser of the brethren”. Is that the spirit you should be aligned with?
Talkativeness
Coupled closely with the desire to hear gossip is the desire to speak gossip.
Don’t use prayer as an excuse to gossip. If someone has a situation and asks you to pray, you shouldn’t tell anyone else unless you have permission to do so.
People expect that the things told to the pastor in counseling/prayer will be kept confidential. It should be no different with any other church member.
So children are talkative. Yap yap yap. They’ll go on and on about “unimportant” things – but they are important to them. “Daddy, lookit me!” “Mom… mom…mom… mommy.. mom…”
They’ll interrupt you. If you tell them to be quiet, they’ll be back five minutes later yakking again.
Proverbs 10:19 19 In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise.
If you keep your mouth open long enough, you’ll eventually put your foot in it.
Ecclesiastes 5:3 3 For a dream comes through much activity, And a fool’s voice is known by his many words.
“’Tis better to keep silent and be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt” – Mark Twain
There are three sins of the mouth that a multitude of words can get you into:
- Evil Speaking. Gossip, criticism. Talking about those not present. Don’t do it!
- Vain Speaking. Always talking about yourself and your opinions. Learn to be a listener.
- Foolish Speaking.
Ephesians 5:3-4 3 But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints;
4 neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
Coarse jesting, is of course dirty jokes, but can also apply to things that are crude and profane. This is just an application of something Paul had already said in the previous chapter.
Ephesians 4:29 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
There is a type of humor that is sarcastic and biting. It carries a veiled insult with it. That may be humorous to some people that hear, but not to the ones it is directed at. Then it is not edifying – it doesn’t build up, it is tearing down.
Full of Joy and Ready to Laugh
Don’t make the mistake that the admonishments against coarse jesting means that we should be humorless. Absolutely not! Joy and humor are of God. “The joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10).
What the Word of God has to say about joy is a whole subject in itself, but here is a sampling:
Psalms 16:11 11 You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
Proverbs 17:22 22 A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.
Romans 15:13 13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Galatians 5:22 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
John 15:11 11 These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.
Romans 14:17 17 for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.
On this last verse, the context is rules about what you can eat. Paul is saying that the kingdom of God does not consist – its main message and focus – is not rules of behavior like what you eat or drink, but righteousness (right standing and relationship with God), peace, and joy.
We might say it this way: joy is one third of the kingdom.
There are great health benefits to laughter and joy. We saw this in Provers 17:22 “a merry heart does good like a medicine” and Nehemiah 8:10 “The joy of the Lord is your strength”, but medical science has proven this out also.
Children laugh – a lot. Studies showed that children laugh an average of 400 times a day, whereas adults only laugh an average of 10-20 times a day.
Joy is not just about humor and laughter, it is about delighting. Children delight in simple things, and they often respond with laughter.
For my wife and I, our happy place is hiking in the woods and mountains and taking pictures. It’s not funny ha ha to me, but it fills me with joy and delight. I make videos about our little adventures, you can see them on my You Tube channel.
We should never lose that sense of wonder, delight, and humor that children have.
Unpretentiousness
A child is impervious to a sense of status. They would make no differentiation between the governor or a janitor. They don’t see skin color as indicative of anything. They have to be taught racism and prejudice.
My mom told me a story of when I was very little. We were out somewhere, and encountered a black man, and I pointed to him and said there was a “chocolate man”. She said he smiled and was a good sport about it, and said that people come in all sorts of flavors. If I remember correctly (and this was very long ago I heard this story, so it could be my imagination adding to it), the man said, “you would be vanilla”, and that I replied, “I like chocolate!”
That turned out to be a wholesome encounter because the man recognized my statement came out of curiosity and did not have a tinge of racism in it. It turned into a lesson: people come in different colors (flavors), but they’re all good.
Jesus spoken of the necessity of being unpretentious like a child. The disciples were arguing over who would be the greatest among them.
Matthew 18:1-5 1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them,
3 and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.
4 Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.
5 Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.
Trusting
Children, if they are brought up in a good home with good role models, will be very trusting. They will learn that their parents are their source, and have their best interests at heart. They have all their needs met. If something is broken, Daddy can fix it. If they have a boo boo, Mommy can kiss it and make it better.
We should always maintain a childlike trust like this in our Father God, Who is the best parent.
Jesus was fiercely protective of children. The next verse from Matthew 18,
Matthew 18:6-7 6 “But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea.
7 Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!
Conclusion for the Childhood Stage
There are some traits of childhood that we need to grow out of, but there are many that we should maintain into adulthood.